Footy Porn

As I am sitting here getting a rare opportunity to watch Aussie Rules Footy, it has occurred to me that in 3 years I have not yet mentioned my, ummm, let's go with "enthusiasm" for the game.

I had always been interested in sports, and I had a favorite team in most professional leagues (sometimes I switched teams... ba dum bum bum) but it was never more than a strong liking. It wasn't until I was taken to my first footy match that I truly understood what LOVE for a sport meant. The entire crowd was completely submerged in the game - and never came up for air.

Every kick.
Every mark.
Every goal.

Every second of every quarter, the roar of 98,000 people rumbled in the pit of my stomach.

And I fucking loved it.

The first game I ever saw (on TV or in person) was Collingwood V Geelong in 1994 and since I was there with Jim, who was a Collingwood supporter, and because I didn't know what the hell was going on, I assimilated his allegiance. And then they won... and the crowd went totally fucking berserk. Well, hell yeah! That's my kind of people - for the most part.

I quickly learned that Collingwood supporters are THEE most obnoxious fans in the entire league and if you don't follow them, then you HATE them; they are the most hated team in the league. They would be likened to that of the Oakland Raiders -- when anyone actually cared about American Football, that is.

If you love the Magpies, you REALLY love them, like this guy...

Yeah, that.

OKAY. So, I might not be THAT insane, but I absolutely love wearing my Magpies' scarf/hat/jacket in Toronto - especially on public transit. It draws out Australians like a magnet of hatred. I cannot even count the number of times a complete stranger has come up to me, just to tell me that Collingwood sucks! 

And I fucking loved it.

I learned the sport quickly, and I tried out for the high school team and made it. It was great times! But I must admit, I rather preferred sitting on the side lines to watch my boyfriend (Oops. Every time that is said, a feminist shaves her pits!) while he ran his cute, tight ass up and down the oval.

After I had moved back to Canada, he would mail me photos of him playing - it was like my porn, my footy porn, and those photos may or may not have gotten a little sticky. Ahem.

The typical guy that plays Aussie Rules has all these wonderful features:
1. Big arms
2. Big thighs
3. Tight, small ass
Oooh yes, and...
4. If they moaned my name, it would have an aussie droll.

My knees? Weak.

That's a view of beauty, right there!

It's the only thing that's ever successfully hypnotized me. True story.

And being an exchange student did have its perks - because after writing a cheesy letter to their club, they invited me to come after a game and MEET ALL THE PLAYERS.

And I died.

Then later that night (possibly not thinking entirely about him), I rode my boyfriend like a wild stallion.

Holy hell, I sure do love Australian football.

Go Pies!